Maybe it's because both of their birthday are just around the corner or maybe I'm just feeling extra hormonal and sappy but I find myself getting teary-eyed at every little thing. I am completely aware of how fast they are growing and how everyday they are doing things more and more on their own. I also know that that's a good thing. That means I'm doing my job as a parent by teaching them how to figure things out, how to keep trying when they mess up, and how to do it all by themselves. And yet while I'm cheering them on, I'm also crying on the inside knowing that my babies are no longer babies.
Savannah is almost five. That's one whole hand! I can't believe I'm the parent of an almost five year old! It seems like just yesterday that I was complaining about my aching back from carrying her around all over the place. It's rare that she asks me to carry her anymore but every now and then before bedtime she'll ask me to carry her upstairs to bed. And instead of telling her she's too big and she's fully capable of walking on her own, I pick up my almost five year old and she wraps her lanky little limbs around me, and I trudge up our steep flight of stairs. This is no easy task but I do it because I know one day she won't ask me to carry her anymore and one day she'll be too big for me to carry anyway. So for now I'll carry her and I'll cherish each of those steps and I'll silently wish that those steps never end.
Walker is almost two. Really he's no longer a baby and yet he'll always be my baby. At this age it seems like every day he wakes up older, and I don't mean just a day older. The days go by so fast that it's like he's growing at warp speed. I try to remember Savannah at this age. She seemed older. I think because she's always been slightly more independent. Or maybe because with my first child I couldn't wait to cheer her on to her next milestone. But now I know how quickly those milestones come and once they come you can't go backwards. I just want to slow down the milestones. Slow down everything with my little Walker-man. Keep him little for as long as I can. He now gives real hugs. The kind where he raises his arms up to me to be picked up. Then he overlaps his hands behind my neck and nuzzles his head into that spot between my neck and shoulder. And he just stays there for what seems like forever. I breathe him in. There's still that faint baby smell that hasn't been totally replaced by the smell of dirt and sweat that's oh so common among little boys. I savor these moments because one day that faint baby smell will be gone. That's what makes me the saddest.....knowing that I'm down to my last few months of breathing in my baby. It's going to happen suddenly just like it did with Savannah. I won't even realize it at first. And then one day it will hit me.....my baby days are over.
Don't get me wrong; I am excited about watching my children grow and discovering all the amazing things that they are going to accomplish. I just wish it could happen slower. But since the days will continue to pass every 24 hours, I'll continue to savor and fully appreciate every minute that I'm so fortunate to spend with them both.
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